There’s no real way around it. Admitting the truth is tough. No matter how many comforts your old life, your old self gave you, when you’ve outgrown them it’s time to move on. I understand why some people argue, because hate is an easy emotion to manage. It offers momentum and sometimes a welcome distraction from the sadness of saying goodbye. But root and truth is that you simply cant fit into a place you’ve outgrown.
I remember what seems like an old life of mine. A life of half truths and self invented – hopefully comforting tales and I also remember the day I could no longer lie to myself. The day I finally let my heart and soul smile. That joy began in the pit of my stomach and since that time the only real problem in my life is not being able to find enough ways to express it. I also remember how hard it was to let that joy in. My life right now seems to be cultivating a consistent feeling of surrender. Of giving up parts of who I am and who I was. As a result of that the people in my life are changing. Some are waking up, some are saying goodbye, some are beginning to find that joy within themselves and some aren’t. I’m not here to judge anyone although I won’t bother lying to you, I have done. Holding people to old bonds, refusing to acknowledge other peoples paths and using the external chaos to distract myself from my own peace. But that time has passed. People are where they are. I am where I am. Everything has changed and I can’t live amongst walking memories.
This is actually quite scary. I wonder what bright souls will begin to filter into my life now. I wonder what experiences there are to learn. I’ve definitely been learning to let people be. To be a peaceful observer of others growth. I watch carefully the situations and people I lose energy to and am tying up loose ends. I can honestly say I am where I am and that statement holds no undercurrent anymore. There are already some wonderful lights in my life and I hope to continue experiencing them, I’ll never dare to hold them again but as it turns out; that’s a good thing!
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