Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Let go to life.

I sat on my sofa and just watched her unravel infront of me. Wisdom that had taken a lifetime to learn and yet still learning. "Let go to life." are words she shared with me and I dont think I can forget the intent of passion with which she shared them. I have had all the usual trappings of someone who has been hurt, someone who has had their heart broken. It made me cautious, too cautious at times. Put me in a place where I was living only half of my life. All my feelings wrapped in diaries and pictures and songs because I couldn't speak them in my day to day. And now I do because I learned to LET GO. Completely. Unreservedly. My work, my ART is no longer my refuge. It's my release, my expression, my conception, my observation... absolute.

I was going to learn in this life what I was going to learn whether I went willingly or not. Whether I learned it quickly was my own doing. I am ending a lesson that has taken me ten years of my life to fully absorb. And with every lesson that has ended a new one is given.... I cant wait!


Thursday, 12 November 2009

Imogen Heap "Canvas"


Lost is not the right word.

It's such a strange thing when the past turns up, right there, in bed with you. I've felt lost before, felt terrified before but never this pull. This weird feeling that I'm re living where I've been. Re learning what I've learned and feeling AGAIN the things I'd tucked away safely. UNRAVELLING. All over the place. Very ungracefully.

Hurt has been a living thing. A way to survive when I thought I wouldn't. But there's no place for that in my life now, I'm centered, still, listening to myself. Yet here I am with a former self. Sitting side by side. He is as much of me as I have ever been. He is as hurt as I was. As confused as i was. As scared as I was. Perhaps this meeting between us was to show us both that MOVING ON IS INEVITABLE. Change is one of the constants within life and sometimes I've welcomed it and sometimes it's had to wrestle me to the ground but it has won either way. This has changed me. Last night before I went to sleep I knew the next day would bring a goodbye, I love my midnight conversations with the nightlight. I listened to the trees outside and heard the world change. Heard MY world change.

Each day I feel myself picking up where I left off. Putting the pieces of my heart back in the places they should be. HEALING.

IT is in me to LOVE.

I can LOVE. Unconditionally...Blissfully...Again.